I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
