just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize