Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize