I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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