Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
