well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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