So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
