Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
