I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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