Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
