do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
