Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
