Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
