so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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