So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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