i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
