you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
