apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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