This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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