Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
