God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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