Where did you get a picture of my penis
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
