Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
