im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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