i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
