The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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