I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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