tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
