you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
