mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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