Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
