its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
