His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
