Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There r osticjed everywhere
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I came so hard my ears popped.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize