I've blown a few things in my day
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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