I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Pooping to opera.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
