I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I checked into jail on foursquare
you will always have a special place in my vag
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
