I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
