i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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