Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
