I accidentally burped into my bong.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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