that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
