The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
