im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
