Apparently you make a good broom.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
