you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
