I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
