She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
