i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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