she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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