the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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