I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
