she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
