(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
