If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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