I need help removing her.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
