Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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