He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
