Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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