I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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