you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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