were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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