i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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