it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
