And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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