I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
