I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
