Everything about him screamed your future.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
