i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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