the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
