i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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