Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
