Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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