Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
