hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize